Last night I started spotting. Yes, spotting.
It started after eating some Mexican for dinner. I started to feel some dull cramps that lasted for about two hours (I thought maybe "the babies" didn't like Mexican, which is cray cray because it's my favorite!), and that's when I noticed the two small spots on my pantiliner. It wasn't bright red (like a normal period would be), or even pink; it was (major TMI alert!) light brown, like what you might see at the end of your period, and there were only those two spots the size of a dime.
I started praying that God protect whatever was inside of me, and that if it was His will, He would allow my two snow babies to continue to grow. Feeling a little more at peace, I went to bed early, and the cramps stopped altogether.
When I awoke early this morning needing to use the bathroom, I was a little leery to look at the pantiliner, afraid of what I might see. There wasn't any more on the pad (huge sigh of relief), but when I wiped...there was more of the very light brown stuff. There were no cramps this time, which made me feel a little better about the situation, but I continued to spot (just a little) over the next thirty minutes or so. I went back to bed and laid there, trying not to focus on what might be happening.
**Side Note: Now, I'm sure you're probably wondering what this spotting could mean...some women have what they call "implantation bleeding", which is when the embryo burrows into the uterine lining. This can cause cramps (sometimes as painful as menstrual cramps), pinching, or sharp pains...but some women don't feel a thing! Some times, after the embryo has gotten all cozy in there, some of the lining is shed, which comes out as spotting or light bleeding. Usually, the color of the spotting is brown or pink (because it's old blood that is closer to the uterine wall), but occasionally, it can be bright red and lead women to believe they're starting their cycle. I know this all sounds like great, promising news, doesn't it? Well, it can be a good sign, but it can also mean absolutely nothing. Implantation bleeding doesn't always lead to a healthy baby, or even a pregnancy. The embryo could try to implant and then become detached somehow, causing a miscarriage. It is possible for the spotting to be the sign of either an early miscarriage (called a "chemical pregnancy"), or it could be the beginning of a women's normal period.**
While I was laying there, I started to pray again. This is what I said: "Lord, I don't know what's going on in here, but You do. I don't know what is going to come of all this, but You do. I can't change the future worrying about what's happening and what will happen, because You already have my future all planned out. I just pray that whatever happens, You give me peace and comfort to make it through. Whatever happens, I want to thank You for allowing me the opportunity to house these perfect little embryos inside me for the last nine days...thank You for allowing me to get this far. Please remove these negative thoughts from my mind, and replace them with peace. I choose to trust in You wholeheartedly, and that means in EVERY moment of this journey, even the super scary moments. No matter what happens, I will give You the honor, the glory, and the praise. Amen."
After saying this prayer, I cannot tell you how much better I felt! I am completely confident that God is still in control, and that He will see me over this hurdle and continue me on the path toward Motherhood!
As of right now, there has been no more spotting (it stopped shortly after praying), and no cramping. I am feeling some pressure and occasional sharp pains, but nothing too bad. So my plan is to take it very easy today, stay off of Google, and let God continue His masterpiece! I am not going to dwell on the spotting, cramping, or anything else I might be feeling, but instead focus on staying calm, relaxed, and faithful that God's not finished with me yet!
P.S: Two more days!!!!
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