"But if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea', and it would obey you." -Luke 17:6

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

More Good Numbers!

My appointment this morning went grrrreat!  We're getting closer every day to the numbers I need to reach to be "transfer ready"!  How exciting!

My estrogen today was 270, which is steadily heading in the right direction!  (It was 208 on Monday, and 63 before that.)  The nurse thought I would be up to 400 already (which is where they want me to be for the Big Day), but said that it's okay that I'm not quite there yet since we have a whole week left for it to rise.  I am to take three estrogen pills tonight and then start with four pills tomorrow (which will bring me to 8mg a day).  My Lupron dose still stays the same at 5 units every night.

My lining measurement was equally as pleasing...it's grown to 7.6mm already!  That's a growth of exactly 2mm in two days, which is awesome!  It still looks "nice and bright" according to the u/s tech, which is something they like to see since it helps Dr T to guide the embryos into my uterus on the day of the transfer.  They will recheck my lining (and my estrogen) at my last (yay!) pre-transfer appointment on Friday at 9am.

The nurse said they are very happy with my progress so far this cycle, and that my numbers are already higher than they were at this point in the last cycle.  What a blessing!  I know that God is working through me...growing my lining, raising my estrogen, and preparing my body for the arrival of His little miracles!  I just can't wait to see what He's going to do next!  Luckily, I won't have to wait too much longer, because....

T minus eight days!!!  Gaaaaah!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Good News Monday!

Well, today has been a good day!  Not only did I finish up my last ever week on call (I survived---woohoo!), but I also got a good report from Dr T at my appointment this morning!

My estrogen level was 208 today (this is up from 63 last Wednesday), which is right on track with what Dr T wants it to be.  They increased the dose of my estrogen pills from two to three tablets a day (standard protocol), and the Lupron dose stays the same (5 units every night).  The nurse said they like to see levels of 400 by the day of the transfer, and at the rate I'm going, she thinks I'll meet this "goal" by Wednesday.  Yay!

My lining was at 5.6mm (increased from 5mm Wednesday), which is great considering I have been (TMI alert) bleeding like a stuck pig for five days straight after stopping the BCP!  Denese said this thickness is normal for this point in my cycle and that with the increase in estrogen (and since my period has stopped---PTL), I should jump up to the 10-13mm range pretty quickly!  We still have a little over a week though (ten days to be exact!), so we're not in a rush.  As long as it's nice and plush and they're able to see it well on the ultrasound during the transfer, we're good to go!

So I go back for more bloodwork and another ultrasound Wednesday morning at 7AM.  I'll have one more appointment on Friday, and then I'm "off" (well, no more appointments, at least) till the Big Day!

As we're drawing closer to the transfer date, I ask that you all please continue to pray for everything to stay on track and for God's will to be done.  We are putting this completely in His hands, knowing that He will protect, guide, and bless us according to His plan!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

T-Minus Eleven Days

Man, oh man.  I feel like it's been ages since I've posted!  Sorry, guys!  I've been on call all week and weekend, and I've been working nonstop!  I will definitely remember my last time on call...maybe not in a good way, but I'll remember it! lol

So, for a little update...my shots are still going well.  I began the estrogen pills Friday night, starting with one pill and the increasing it to two last night and tonight.  I go to Dr T at 7AM tomorrow for more bloodwork and an ultrasound.  Praying for good news!  I'll blog again tomorrow with the latest results!

It's getting closer....eeeeeek! :)

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Rough Day (Whine Alert)

Let me clarify: the appointment went fine and everything is a-okay!  It was just the rest of the day that was "blah"!

I didn't get any specifics on my lining or estrogen level today.  They said my uterus "looks good", and that my levels "were great", and I am to start my Estrogen pills (2mg) Friday night (taking one that night and then two Saturday and Sunday night).  I didn't really ask for details this time, since I know we have a full two weeks to go before The Big Day, so I have plenty of time to grow that cushy lining and raise that estrogen!

I also didn't ask for numbers because they told me I could expect good ole' Aunt Flo again any day (since I stopped the BCP Sunday night), which would decrease the thickness of my lining and estrogen level anyway.  And boy, were they right.  About thirty minutes after leaving the office, I started cramping something wicked.  And then, right smack in the middle of my Wednesday morning meeting, she showed up.  How kind of her to grace me with her presence...NOT!

I don't know what it is about a woman's cycle, and maybe I'm just a wimp (this is highly likely---just ask my husband, lol), but it'll take the energy right out of ya!  For the rest of the morning, I felt sluggish and just "icky".  It doesn't help that I am coming down with a cold (gifted to me from my family who came to visit...thanks guys! It was worth getting to see y'all though! :) ) and have been congested and achy for the last few days.  I think the combination of the two have really just zapped me of any spunk and drive I had left for the week.  I'm done!  I'm throwing in the towel! (Or maybe I should throw in the sanitary pad or kleenex...lol.)

Okay, enough whining for one day.  On a brighter note: at least it's Wednesday evening!  That means only fourteen days of work left and fifteen days till our little snow babies come home!  Even in my state of ickiness and germ-infestation, that makes me one happy camper!  Now, time for some Midol, cold medicine, and hot tea...night guys! :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Minor Change in Plans

I got a call from Dr T's nurse yesterday asking if I could come in tomorrow (Wednesday) morning instead of Friday morning for my first routine appointment.  (I assume it's because they have some many women going through IVF, they are trying to spread the appointments out a little more to save their sanity, lol.)  My answer: of course!  The sooner, the better!  So I go in tomorrow morning at 7am to see how this little lining of mine is growing and how my estrogen level is holding up.  Please send up a little prayer for me in the morning if you can! Thank you in advance!

Now, I know what you're thinking, and no, unfortunately this doesn't mean the transfer has been bumped up at all.  Bummer, huh?!  I will just skip going at all on Friday and then keep my scheduled appointments for next Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  The transfer is still planned for the following Thursday morning (time is yet to be determined).

So, let me do a little math here...(taking off my shoes)...eight plus eight...carry the one...yep.  Got it. Per my calculations...there are only sixteen days left until The Big Day!!  Yaaaay!  Are you as excited as I am??  I highly doubt it; in case you haven't noticed, I'm pret-ty giddy over here! ;)  Come on, November 8th!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

What's On This Week's Agenda

This week there will be a lot going on as far as medication changes and my first routine appointment with Dr T.  Exciting stuff will be happening here, folks! Well, exciting to me, anyway! lol

Tonight, I will take my last BCP.  I will also start my five-day course of antibiotics (Zithromax) to make sure I don't have any little infections brewing before the Big Day.  I'll continue the Lupron shots, but decrease them from 10 units to 5 units starting tonight.

This Friday, I will see Dr T first thing in the morning to draw my estrogen level and for an ultrasound.  Then, that night, I will start taking the estrogen pills to get that lining nice and fluffy for our little house guest!

Just a little heads up for those of you who check my blog daily: I am on call starting tomorrow thru next Monday (ugh...), and I am also training someone to take my place at work, so I may be a tad bit busy and not able to blog every day.  But I promise I'll keep you all posted on any changes and on how I'm feeling (i.e.: crazy mood swings, weird dreams, or just random share-worthy thoughts) whenever possible!  Oh, and of course, I'll let you know how my appointment goes on Friday!  Until then, please keep on praying! :)

T-minus eighteen days!  Ahhhhhh!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Today's Thought-Provoking Devotional

Ahhh....Saturday.  My favorite day of the whole week!  Sometimes I spend it resting, sometimes hanging out with friends and family, and sometimes (more often than I'd like) I spend it running around like a headless chicken.  This particularly beautiful Saturday is being spent---you guessed it---doing the latter!  I've been a busy little bee this morning and am crossing things off my never-ending To Do List.  But hey, at least I'm being productive, right?? :)

My favorite way to start off my Saturdays (or any day of the week, actually!) is to read my devotional (I'm still reading Jesus Lives, by Sarah Young).  It never fails to bless my morning and get my heart and mind in the right place!

This morning's message was especially directed to me; it was referring to Matthew 7:7, where the Lord says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened for you." My favorite part of today's message says: "I encourage you to pray freely...Nonetheless, when you bring me your petitions, you need to keep in mind that depth of My wisdom and knowledge.  This will protect you from being presumptuous or manipulative.  I never fail to hear your prayers and answer them wisely, but I do not always grant your petitions---no matter how heartfelt they may be and how utterly right they may seem.  If it becomes clear that My will differs from what you have requested, the best response is to say simply, 'Yes, Jesus.'  This will draw you closer to Me, even in the midst of your disappointment.  Though My ways---My methods, My paths---may be mysterious from your perspective, I assure you they are good."

Many people assume that if you ask God for something, He will give it to you.  Not necessarily.  God isn't like a vending machine that you can push a button on and expect what you want to fall at your feet.  He does always answer our prayers, but we have to remember that sometimes He answers them with a "no".  It doesn't mean God doesn't love us or wants to punish us; it just means that what we're asking for isn't part of His flawless plan for us!  But just because He doesn't give us exactly what we asked for, that doesn't mean He doesn't bless us in other ways.  Sometimes, these blessings take us by surprise and totally surpass what we originally prayed for!  We just have to remember that God knows what He's doing; this isn't His first rodeo! ;)

I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis.  As much as we hope and pray that this next FET will work, and as hard as it is to think about another disappointment, I know that God may (once again) say "no".  It may not be in His plan for us this year, or it may not be in His plan for us at all.  This doesn't mean I won't continue to go down this path the Father is leading me on; I know He knows where this path will lead, and He wouldn't have put me on it for no reason!  My heartfelt prayer is that if we are not meant to be parents, He will take this burning desire from our hearts and replace it with peace.  And that, no matter what, I will continue to serve Him through this journey by remaining faithful, sharing His amazing grace and mercy with others, and seeking His will for my life!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Just a Quicky

Phew.  I've survived another work week...but just barely! I feel pretty mentally and physically drained. Luckily, I only have nineteen days to go and then I'm off for an entire month before starting my new job!  I can't wait!

This is going to be a super short blog tonight; this is my first time sitting down and relaxing since getting home, so I more than likely will pass out within the next thirty minutes. (Yes, I am old, lol.)  But I wanted you all to know that things are moving right along, the shots are going smoothly, and (major PTL moment here, folks) my headaches are gone!  God is so good!

I'll post more tomorrow---promise!  But right now, I think there's a cup of chamomile tea and some mindless TV calling my name...night, y'all! :)

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Call Me Crazy...

...but I am actually looking forward to starting these shots tomorrow night!  I know, I've gone batty!  

I think the main reason for being so eager is pretty obvious: so the transfer date can get here sooner and I can welcome my snow babies back home!  Woohoo!

The other reason I'm itching to get these injections started is that, believe it or not, the higher levels of hormones have been doing wonders for my migraines!  I've noticed that during both the fresh and frozen cycles, I only had ONE mentionable headache (and that was after I had to lay at such an odd angle after the transfer).  For anyone who knows me, you know that's a-ma-zing!  Then, once I stopped the medications and my hormone levels returned to "normal", the headaches started back up.  I think I've had one every day (although not always severe) since my period started...yuck.  So, needless to say, I'm ready to get those hormones back up!  I'll take crying over stupid movies, dreaming about freakishly weird stuff, and having chronic brain farts over a migraine any day! Hands down! LOL

Now, tomorrow is our third anniversary, and we're going on a date after work ("brown-chicken-brown-cow"<----that's my attempt at "sexy" music...weak attempt, I know! lol), so I may not be able to blog about my first shot after I give it tomorrow night.  Forgive me, guys!  I'll try to blog as soon as possible to let you all know how the shots are going (and if my headaches are getting any better)!

Until then...T-minus twenty-three days!  Eek!!!

Friday, October 12, 2012

FET Schedule, Take 2!

Alrighty, people...we have the schedule!  And my medications are en route to be delivered tomorrow afternoon (they have to be Fed-Ex'd from a speciality pharmacy up in Maine).  Let's get this party started!

As far as medications go, I will start my Lupron shots (10 units every night) next Wednesday (the 17th) which happens to be our third anniversary of blissful marriage!  So it'll be a great day all around! Dinner, dessert, a movie, and hormone injections---what more could a girl ask for! lol

I'll finish up my BCP the following Sunday (the 21st), and then be seen in the office for my first routine labs/ultrasound that Friday (the 26th).  After that, things are likely to be changed or added, so I'll keep you posted as we go along!

I still haven't heard anything back on my thrombophilia panel, and I'm hoping that no news is good news!  But, of course, I wouldn't start the Lovenox until after the transfer (like I did the baby aspirin), so there's always a chance Dr T could write a prescription for it immediately following the transfer (again, like he did the aspirin).  I'm not going to fret about it, but I'll probably mention it to the nurse at my appointment on the 26th.  You know, just to ease my curiosity. ;)

So there ya go! Looks like things are headed in the right direction...now I'm just hoping and praying that my lining will cooperate and that November 8th will get here quickly!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

I Have Grrrrreat News...

...and, believe it or not, it has nothing to do with IVF or infertility!

I am super ecstatic to say that I accepted an offer yesterday for my dream job...to be a Labor and Delivery nurse!  Eeeeek!  This is what I've wanted to do ever since before nursing school!

This is such an unexpected blessing because I wasn't really looking for a new job!  God opened this door back in August, while I was visiting a patient of mine.  I started talking to her granddaughter, who turned out to be the Director of Nursing on an OB floor (Labor and Delivery, Postpartum, Antepartum, Nursery) in our area.  She encouraged me to apply for a position, but I was hesitant because we were gearing up for our first FET, so I pushed the thought into the back of my mind.  I kept praying that if it's what God wanted me to do, He would keep the door open and guide me through it.

For some reason, after the chemical pregnancy, I started having this feeling like God was telling me to pursue this opportunity further.  After much discussion and prayer, my husband and I decided last week that I should go ahead and interview, and if it wasn't God's will for me, He would shut the door.

I had my interview yesterday, and was definitely a ball of nerves going in!  But I kept reminding myself that God would undoubtedly guide me where He wanted me to go.  Well...God didn't just guide me through the door---He YANKED me through that puppy!  I got a call with an offer before I ever even made it home!  Craziness!  This is just another reminder of how GOOD my God is!

As eager as I am to jump on this new career path, I am planning on making Wednesday, November 7th (the day before the transfer) my last day at my current job.  Then, after the transfer, I will take a full month off (woohoo!) to grow those little babies and prepare myself for my new job!  I'll start general orientation at the hospital on Monday, December 10th, and then begin unit orientation the following week.  I have a feeling with all that's going on, these next two months are going to FLY by!

I feel so incredibly blessed to start along this path God has chosen for me.  James 1:17 says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above...", and that includes new jobs, snow babies, and every other amazing blessing the Lord has showered upon me!  :)

Monday, October 8, 2012

Exactly One Month...

...until our second FET!  Who's excited??  This girl!!  Me!  Ooh, ooh, pick me! :)

There's really nothing new to report since my consult last week.  I'm still taking my BCP (which kicked Aunt Flo the curb real quick-like---PTL for that!).  I haven't heard from Dr T about my thrombophilia panel (clotting factor tests), but I suspect I will know more about those results once I go to pick up my schedule, which should be very soon!  This schedule will tell me when to start my antibiotics, Lupron shots, progesterone shots, estrogen, and (if needed) blood thinner shots.  I believe some of these should start the end of next week, but I'll let you know more when I have that calendar in my hand!

Now, I know I may sound like a broken record when I say this, but...please keep praying!!  The only reason I say this so often is because I know, without a doubt, that prayer works!  I have been seeing God working in BIG ways in other people's lives lately, and it all leads back to prayer!

God already knows our hearts' desires.  He even knows what we're thinking before we even think it, but He still loves it when we take the time to discuss things with Him, opening our hearts and minds to receive what He has in store for us.  So please continue to lift my husband and I up in your prayers as we seek God's plan for our lives, wait for Him to work in a mighty way through us, and praise Him for what He has already done and what He has yet to do!  Thank you, guys!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Yesterday's Consult

Hey, hey, hey!  I know this is a little premature, but....TGIF!  I am so ready for this weekend, when we get to celebrate my MIL and husband's cousin's birthdays and then hang out with our besties and watch some football!  Fall weather + weekends + football season + friends = good times!

Alrighty, so here's the scoop on yesterday's appointment with Dr T:

-I started BC pills last night, which I am excited about because that means Aunt Flo will finally get her eviction notice! Sayonara, dearie! lol

-The transfer is scheduled for Thursday, November 8th...which is exactly one week before my 28th birthday!  What a great early birthday present!

-I had my blood drawn (all five vials) for the thrombophilia panel, which will check for clotting issues.  If it comes back abnormal, Dr T said he will just add Lovenox (blood thinner) shots to my medication regimen.  Luckily, this one is in the stomach.  Whew!  Cause I don't think my tush could take more than one shot a night!

-Dr T confirmed something I already knew (but wanted to hear from him): every cycle, a woman has a 25% chance that her pregnancy will end in a miscarriage...horrible odds, huh?!  Also, out of all of the pregnancies happening all over the world, as many as 70% will end in a chemical pregnancy.  (In many cases, these women don't even know they're pregnant--unless they've been TTC and start testing before their period is due--because their cycle starts right on time.) Who knew it was THAT common?? Thankfully, Dr T said that just because I've had one chemical pregnancy, my chances of having a second are no higher...talk about a huge sigh of relief!

-We will still only transfer two snow babies this go-round.  Dr T said that since I'm under thirty-five and we got a positive last time (which means something was happening in there), he believes two embies will be plenty!  And, as always, we have to remember there's always a chance we could get out as many as we put in, and the thought of three babies still scares me! lol

-He is very optimistic that things will go smoothly this time, and said that although it's not scientifically proven, he has found that many women go on to have to successful pregnancies after a miscarriage.  And that, in his office, lots of these turn out to be TWIN pregnancies!  Major eek!

So that's that!  Things will likely go very quickly this month since we know what to expect (and since there's only one month until the transfer!), and I am totally okay with that!  Bring it on!!  I have faith that's growing stronger every day and a God that's guiding my path every step of the way, so I'm ready for whatever this cycle may bring!

T-minus thirty-five days! :)

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Just a Quick Hello

Just popping in real quick to let you all know this afternoon's consult went grrrrrreat!  I've been quite busy today, so I'm sorry that I don't have time to give all the juicy details tonight.  But I will try my hardest to fill you guys in tomorrow, so stay tuned! ;)

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The "Next Step"

Well, after lots of prayer and discussion, my husband and I have made the decision to take the next step in our journey to parenthood...so FET #2, here we come!

We have a consult with Dr T tomorrow at 1:30pm.  The next FET cycle actually starts this month (BCP starts this weekend), and the transfer would be sometime mid-November (possibly my birthday---eek!), so there's no time to waste!

At tomorrow's appointment, Dr T will go over our last cycle, the chemical pregnancy and what might have happened, any additional testing he wants me to do to prevent further miscarriages (clotting tests, immune-disorder tests, etc.), and what new things he might want to add to this cycle (blood thinner shots, steroids).  I'm definitely a little nervous to hear what Dr T has to say, but at the same time, I'm excited to be starting a new cycle.  A new cycle = new hope! :)

My prayer for tomorrow is for God to guide us in the way we should go; in the way HE wants us to go.  If this isn't the path He wants us to take, I pray He closes the door and steers us in another direction (just like He did when our third IUI was cancelled and He steered us towards IVF).  We've come too far on this journey to just give up and stop following Him now!

I happened to come across this beautiful song today, which describes exactly how I'm feeling right now.  It's call You Lead by Jamie Grace; here's the chorus:

"You lead, I'll follow. Your hands hold my tomorrow.
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly.
When you lead, I'll follow.
Just light the way and I'll go.
Cause I know what You've got for me is more than I can see,
So lead me on, on, on, and on.
Just lead me on, on, on, and on."

'Nuff said! Goodnight, y'all! ;)

Monday, October 1, 2012

I'm Ashamed To Say This...

...but I have another confession to make.  This one's a shocker, too.

I miiiiight have broken down and POAS during my TWW.  Yes, I know, I said I wouldn't!  I promise, wasn't planning on testing, but I just felt such a strong urge to pee on that stick! It's an addiction, I swear! lol

I did this horrible act the Tuesday following the transfer, so only 5dp5dt (or 10dpo)...VERY early.  I knew that there was a possibility of the test being positive, but I honestly didn't think it would be positive.  Well...

Can you see those lines???  They're faint, but they're there!  And they popped up within one minute, too!  I have never in my life seen a positive test that I, myself, have peed on, so when I saw this, I was crying, shaking, praising the Lord---I was a hot mess!

My plan was that IF it was positive, I would share this secret ONLY with my husband...not only because it was a special moment, but also just in case something was to happen before the beta test.  I quickly wrapped these tests up and put them in a gift bag, and then waited anxiously for him to come home.

When he did, I presented the bag to him and told him, "This is to say 'Thank you' for putting up with me during all of this infertility treatment...I know I'm not an easy person to deal with, so you deserve a gift!"  With his eyes closed, he started to open the bag and unwrap the tests from their tissue wrapping paper.  He felt of them and said, "Are they spoons??" Really??  Spoons, honey?? lol He then proceeded to take off the top of one (the area where you actually pee on the stick itself), and I yelled, "No!! Don't do that!" So then he started thinking it was a scapel because I wouldn't let him touch it...honestly, I've never gotten him silverware or sharp objects as gifts, so I have no earthly idea what gave him that idea this time!  But once he opened his eyes and saw those tests...(sigh) that's a moment I'll never forget.  The look on his face was priceless.  He said, "It's positive??  You're pregnant?? There's two of them...twins??" (Only my husband...LOL.)

The next few minutes we spent looking at the tests, smiling like crazy people, crying, talking about how we couldn't believe it, praying and thanking God for this blessing.  (I have to be honest: even though this cycle ended the way it did, I wouldn't trade those precious moments spent with him for anything in the world.)

And so began my next obsession...does the line get darker?!  (For those of you who are confused by this, let me explain.  Some people believe if the line of a HPT gets darker, that means more HCG is being secreted, which means your levels are rising.  This is a GOOD thing.  So, of course, I wanted to see those nice dark lines!!)  My husband begged me not to POAS again until that Thursday (two days later), so the HCG would have time to double, so I obliged.  That morning, I got up with him and we got to watch the test turn positive together (in less than thirty seconds)...and the line was darker!  Not quite as dark as the control line, but it was definitely darker than the previous test!  Here's that picture:

I'll tell ya, that's a beautiful sight!  For the next few days, I POAS every morning.  Friday and Saturday's tests looked just like Thursday's, which made me feel at least a little better about the cramping/spotting, because I thought maybe the babies were just getting more cozy.  Sunday, I had ran out of First Response tests, so I used a Dollar Tree cheapie.  It also gave me a line, but I didn't have another test that was the same brand to compare it to.  But, as we say in the TTC-world, "a line was a line", so I was at least content for the day.  Of course, I had to go pick up some more First Responses to use the next day...I wanted a nice, dark line to compare to the others so I could anticipate a nice, high beta number Monday morning!

Well, Monday morning came, and I was so excited to POAS and see that beautiful dark line, that I got up at about 3am.  I snuck into the bathroom with my test and did what I had to do, then set the timer on my phone.  A minute went by and I didn't see a line...at a minute, thirty seconds, I saw a faint line starting to appear.  I thought, "Oh, it's just starting slow this morning...but it'll darken."  It never did.  After about five minutes, I started to be disheartened.  At ten minutes (the max time allotted to read a HPT), I took this picture:

See how the top test is almost lighter than the bottom?  I knew in my heart this wasn't a good thing...but I was determined to continue to trust in the Lord's plan!  So I tried to rest a little more (unsuccessfully), then got dressed, went on to my appointment, and then went on about my day while I awaited my phone call.

I prayed constantly that morning that God would do a miracle.  That He would prove the tests wrong and give me a great first beta number.  When the call came in, and the nurse told me my level was "only 23", I knew what was happening.  But I couldn't give up, couldn't let Satan get me down, so I kept praying for God's perfect plan and for His amazing, constant peace.

The next two days I didn't POAS.  I couldn't bring myself to do it.  I couldn't stand the thought of seeing that one single line and knowing it was over.  So I waited for the second beta to confirm what I already knew in my heart; what God had already been preparing me for.

Now, I know you may be disappointed in me...I'm sorry, guys!  I wanted so badly to have that special moment to share with just my husband, and I'm glad we did.  I'm so blessed to have been able to see those two lines, to know that God was working His miracle through me, and to feel what it's like to carry a life within you...even if for just a week.

I haven't confessed this secret until now because, honestly, I didn't want to look at those tests for the first few days after we found out the pregnancy had ended.  They're still in a box in my bathroom drawer, right where I left them after taking that last test.  But after some thought, I decided that I wanted to share this special (although brief) moment in our lives with all of you...my friends, family, and "blog family".  So, there ya go! Admire those lines, praise God for His awesomeness, and please continue praying that one day those lines will turn into so much more!

P.S. In case you're wondering...the next cycle, I will not---repeat NOT---POAS that early, if at all!!! ;)