Another Bump in the Road

Well, the time has come...the time to sit down and write the post that I was praying and hoping I wouldn't have to write.  Let me start out by saying that every single thing that happens in this world happens for a reason, a reason deemed necessary by our Lord and Savior, a reason that we cannot argue with but just learn to accept as another "bump in the road".  When we learn to accept this, it makes seeking and following God's will so much easier!

(Deep Sigh) We had to cancel this cycle.  There will be no transfer tomorrow, nor will there be one for a few months.  After my pain, bloating, and nausea worsened last night, I started to seriously question whether or not putting these embryos back inside me and allowing them to grow was what my body (as well as their teeny-tiny cells) really needed at this point.  Honestly, what kind of mother would I be if I put my unborn babies into an extremely stressful environment to begin with?

So I talked to my husband, through tears (which have been coming more frequently---probably in unison with the pain), telling him that I couldn't imagine going through with the transfer knowing things were going to get worse if I did, indeed, get pregnant.  He agreed, and said it's my health that has to come first, and that the embryos would be there when my body is ready for them.  He's 100% right.  (I really love him, by the way.  Just sayin'.)  We decided he would take me in the see Dr T first thing in the morning to get his opinion and make sure I didn't need further treatment to help with the OHSS.

I had an extremely long, painful night...I couldn't get comfortable, was sick to my stomach and hurting constantly, and was developing some mild shortness of breath.  Umm, can we say "scary"??  Luckily, I have THE most awesome husband in the world, and he slept on the couch next to me (I have adopted the big fluffy chair in the living room as my permanent residence) to make sure I didn't need anything throughout the night.  And when I woke up at 4am because I was nauseous and in pain, he woke up, too, and took care of me.  I mean, really, he is a-maz-ing.

At 8am I waddled my way into Dr T's office, who took one look at my belly (which has definitely grown in size and has a nice grapefruit-size lump on the left side---one of my precious ovaries) and my vaginal u/s and knew right away where this was headed.  He said it is definitely OHSS, and showed my husband and I the fluid that has built up in my abdomen.  Both of my ovaries are huge (and filled with large, fluid-containing follies), and my left ovary has gotten so large that it has been pushed up and out of my pelvic cavity (which is why the part we can see looks like a hernia).  I complained about the shortness of breath and nausea, and after listening to my lungs (which he said sounded good), he said that is likely due to the fluid and body parts that have been pushed up against my diaphragm that makes it difficult to breathe and gives me that "full" feeling.  Then he recommended what we already knew he would (but still needed some reassurance that it was the right thing to do): cancel the transfer and freeze all of the embryos.  Of course, we agreed.

Dr T went on to say he is very confident that FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) will work for us, and even said "You have lots of good little embryos to freeze, so you'll be able to have lots of babies in the next few years", which of course, made me smile.  He also told us that FET has just as high of success rates as a fresh cycle (which is what we're doing now).  The plan would be to let my body heal over the next several weeks, and then I would join the next IVF cycle which starts in August.  Luckily, FET doesn't involve nearly as many medications (although there still are injections and pills), and since there is no "ovary stimulation" being done, there is less stress being put on the body and little to no risk of the dreaded OHSS.  Sounds like a good plan to me!

So, what do we do now?  Well, I had blood work drawn, which will be resulted Monday morning and will tell Dr T how my electrolytes and estrogen level looks.  They will also let us know then how many embryos were able to be frozen (they have to make it to tomorrow, which is day 5, officially making them "blastocytes")...exciting!  He is having me take Femara (2.5mg pill) tonight and tomorrow night to help lower the estradiol level, which will then help my ovaries to shrink in size (hopefully).  I can stop the antibiotic (PTL!  That thing is horrendous!) and the progesterone shots (even though the hubs was doing a fab job of giving them).  Hopefully, once my estrogen levels go down, my body will signal that it's time to start another cycle and it will start on it's own...but since my body has a mind of it's own, I may have to start pills to make my cycle come again.

Dr T gave me some pain and nausea medicine (thank God!) to help me rest and let my body heal.  I am supposed to keep him updated on my progress and let him know if anything gets worse.  If things did become worse (praying not!), then I may have to be hospitalized to be more closely monitored and to receive further treatment (IV fluids, IV protein, heart monitoring, possibly draining of fluid from the belly).  Dr T said "things may get worse before they get better" (gee, thanks, doc! lol), but that he is hoping to see me back to normal in two-three weeks.  In the meantime, I am supposed to stay on bed rest, keep drinking LOTS of fluids (Gatorade and Smart Water for the electrolytes, which will help to pull the fluid from my stomach back into my blood vessels where it belongs), eat small/frequent meals, and monitor my urine output to make sure my kidneys are okay.  Things will get better, but we have to take them one day at a time!

Now, I said it in the beginning of this post, and I'll say it again: Everything happens for a reason.  God knew when He sent us down this path that we would come to this bump in the road, and that (with His help) we would get over it and then continue on this journey.  No one can say exactly why these bumps occur, but it's really not our place to ask why.  When we start to question the Lord, that means we are not being 100% faithful and trusting...as Max Lucado says, "No one can pray and worry at the same time."  Very true!

As I end this post, as well as this long day, I feel completely at peace with how things are unfolding.  While things didn't quite go according to the routine "IVF Timeline", they are going exactly as my Master has planned them!  I can't say I'm not sad that we won't be able to transfer our precious little embies tomorrow (it's been a long road to get this far, after all), but that's the beauty of being God's child.  I turn my sadness over to Him, lay my sorrow at His feet, and He replaces it with joy and hope in knowing that bigger things are to come!

Thank you all again for all of the prayers, love, and support...please continue to pray for healing for my body, God's perfect will to be done, and for Him to keep using us throughout this process!