My Fertility Friends

I have to tell you about one of the best "God things" (you know when something awesome happens and you say "It's a God thing!"? This is one of those!) to come out of this whole infertility battle...my Fertility Friends!

In Oct 2010, I was desperately looking for answers to my predicament, so I joined an online forum for women who were TTC just like me.  I posted about my situation and asked for suggestions...but no one responded!  After a few days, I was starting to think maybe there was an online clique or something, when I got a response from this girl named Jessie.  Little did I know that that response would be the start of a seriously wonderful friendship!  We started discussing our diagnoses, current treatment plans, and a few personal things (jobs, husbands, etc).  Over the course of a month, I grew to know her better, and I realized that God placed her in my life for a reason.  We could vent to each other, go through treatment together (all through emails, of course), and just support each other (which is very important during this whole infertility process, since it will drain you).  She is one of the funniest, sweetest people, and I am so incredibly blessed to have "met" her!  I assumed the Lord had just blessed us both with this awesome friendship, but, of course, being the Ultimate Contractor that He is, He was just setting the foundation for so much more!

As our emails continued, Jessie told me about a good friend of hers who's cousin was also dealing with her own infertility problems.  We decided to include her in our emails, and in November, another beautiful friendship was born!  Beth is so spunky and has such a kind heart; I can't imagine my life without her now!  I could tell she wanted to be a mommy soooo badly, but my Master had bigger plans for her in the meantime.  We all exchanged phone numbers and started texting more than emailing, and we grew closer day by day.

From time to time, I would enclose an excerpt from my devotional or a verse that really touched me for the girls to read.  I wanted to encourage them to stay faithful during this process, and know that God's will the ultimate blueprint for our lives.  Proverbs 19:21 says "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."  This is so true!  We plan for things our whole life, assuming that we'll meet our soul mate in high school or college, get married a few years later, and have 2.5 babies before we have time to get our first wrinkle.  We can make all these plans, but in the end, it's HIS plan that will unfold.  And even though we don't see it at the time (because we're sooo disappointed that OUR plans didn't work out! How rude!), His plans are always what's best for us!  These were the types of things I share with my Fertility Friends.

Beth, at first, didn't say much about my references to God.  I had no clue that she didn't have a very religious upbringing.  But I continued to talk about how I was going to trust God, even when things weren't going well, because in the end all I wanted was God' will for my life.  One day, she told me she had been praying more often, and that it felt good and was making her more at peace about how things were going in her own struggles.  After her fifth failed IUI, she still remained faithful and kept praying that God would give her strength and would one day bless her and her husband with a baby.  I am a firm believer that the Father hears His children's prayers, and I am so grateful that Beth got to see that firsthand!  IUI #6 was successful and she is now 6 weeks pregnant with God's little miracle!  I praise the Lord everyday that He brought her into my life and I know for a fact that He had our paths cross so that she could hear more about Him and draw closer to Him.  Now tell me God isn't good???!

Through all of this, God was also working on Jessie's heart.  It wasn't until a few weeks ago that she told me that she also wasn't a strong believer before starting TTC.  She had lost her grandmother a few years before and was having trouble understanding how a God that loves us would take someone so special away from her....because of all this anger and doubt, she stopped praying.  Jessie went on to marry her sweetheart, and they started TTC shortly after.  Sadly, she suffered a miscarriage not long after beginning her journey (in Jan 2010), and this just widened the gap between her and God.  When she met me in Oct, she said she noticed how strong my faith was, and I believe it was then that the Lord started planting tiny seeds (mustard seeds, maybe?? ;) ) that would soon grow into something much bigger!  Jessie said the first night she prayed in a long time was the night before she got her BFP (big fat positive)...I don't know about you, but that gave me goosebumps! All she could do was sit there and look at the positive test and thank God over and over for giving her this gift.  She felt forgiven, like the Lord had just wiped her slate clean again, wiping away all of the doubts and anger she had towards Him, and was giving her a fresh start.  And He was!  Jessie is in her second trimester now! :) She didn't know it when she started trying to become a mommy, but this pregnancy would change her life in more ways than one!  When she told me this, it just further verified that God had placed me here, in the middle of this infertility battle, to share His light with someone else.  And, as I told my husband, if I can make a difference in ONE person's life by sharing the love of Christ with others, that makes this entire infertility battle worth it...all 20 months!

It's so difficult sometimes to see the light through the darkness, especially when you feel like you'll never make it out of the dark hole you're struck in.  But if you stand still, let the Lord speak to you, and look really hard, you'll find it.  You'll find that tiny light that God has started burning for you, to guide you and give you hope.  It may not be in the most obvious place, and you may have to do a little extra searching, but it's there.  Going to His word is a great place to start looking...Psalm 119:105 says "Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." It's when you find this Light and start to share it with others in the same dark, dreary place, that God really starts to use you to His glory!

With this all said, I want to thank my wonderful Fertility Friends, Beth and Jessie, for being there for me and letting me share the Light of God with you both!  :)