Divine Imperfections

Infertility sucks.  It is an emotional, physical, and mental roller coaster for all persons involved.  It is something many people like to keep private, mainly because they feel as though something is "wrong" with them.  You may be wondering why I chose to blog about such a personal issue.  Well, as crazy as it sounds, I feel as though God has given me an unexpected gift.  Now I know what you're thinking: "a gift?? You just said it sucked!" But I have learned through these last 20 months, through all of the fertility drugs, ultrasounds, blood draws, and negative pregnancy tests, that God doesn't make mistakes.  He made my husband and I just the way He intended to, and in His eyes, we are perfect.  He knew that we would have these struggles and that through these we would draw closer to Him, and at the same time be able to draw others closer to Him as well.  That is why I am writing this blog.  To give Him the glory for the "divine imperfections" He has blessed us with.

Now, trust me...it has taken me a long time to get to where I am spiritually.  As I began this journey, I wasn't where I needed to be in my walk with God.  I would go to church sporadically, read my Bible once in a while, and pray the same prayer every morning on my way to work.  I was in a rut. After a few months of trying to conceive (and reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan--AMAZING book!), it hit me.  It was as if God said to me, "If you don't spend time with me NOW, with no baby and no big responsibility, what makes you think I am going to give you a gift that will take up most of your days for the next 18 years??" So I started reading a devotional (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young--also amazing!) and writing in a journal.  I wanted to give my all to God, hoping that, in return, He would give me the gift of being a mother.  I dove into His word and began praying heartfelt prayers, actually talking to God and waiting for Him to speak to me.  I felt like I walking closer to God than ever before, and it felt great! But it wasn't until just recently (last week actually) that I had another revelation.  I noticed that while I was saying with my mouth, "I trust you, Lord.  Use me", but I wasn't opening my heart and accepting the fact that through this obstacle He IS using me.

As you read through my posts, you will notice a trend...I LOVE my God, and I aim to see the blessing in every trial, every obstacle, He gives me in life.  I can do this because I keep this verse close to my heart: "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you...to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) God doesn't give us obstacles to say "Take that!", but rather to watch us grow as Christians.  My prayer is that while you read these posts, you learn that God loves you just the way you are, and that it's your own "divine imperfections" that make you perfect in His eyes.