The Much Anticipated FET Consult

We had our FET consult this afternoon, and although I went in tired from a busy work day and still feeling under the weather from a cold, I left with a huge smile on my face and feeling awfully blessed! Here are some of the "highlights" of our talk with Dr T:

-The date has been moved up from September 20th or 21st to the 13th or 14th---a whole week early!!  This is due to the number of women undergoing "fresh" cycles (not frozen, like ours) and the clinic trying to ensure the 20th and 21st aren't packed full of transfers.  Since our embryos are frozen and we're not waiting on eggs to mature, be retrieved and then fertilized, we can go ahead with an earlier date.  Needless to say, this makes me a VERY happy girl!

-The cost was even less than we have anticipated--woohoo!  This is due to a few factors: the credited cost of the transfer we didn't do in the fresh cycle, the "mock transfer" doesn't need to be done again (Dr T will use his same "road map" to place the embies back in my uterus), and my medications hopefully will be covered by my insurance, since they're technically not considered "infertility drugs" this go round (this may cut the medication cost down as much as two-thirds!).  Infertility treatment is certainly not cheap, and none of it has been covered by our insurance, so we're praising the Lord for any deductions, no matter how small!

-Dr T is still very adamant that our embryos look "fantastic".  We got to see pictures of a few of them (taken before they went into the freezer, of course), and we will get to see them one more time once they're thawed the day of the transfer.  My husband and I really weren't sure what we were looking at, but since they're technically our babies, I couldn't help but "oooooh" and "ahhhhhh" over them a little. What can I say, I'm a proud mommy already! ;)

-The embies were frozen in groups of two in something called "straws".  The night before the transfer, the embryologist will set out one straw and we'll see if both embryos survive the thaw.  If by some chance they both don't make it, they will thaw out another straw of two the morning of the transfer.  If both of those survive, and we have three embies to choose from, Dr T says we can either a) use all three and have a very high risk of triplets (eek!), or b) use the best two embryos and refreeze the third, which, per Dr T, isn't hard to do and shouldn't harm the embryo in any way.  Of course, my husband's face turned ashen at the mention of multiples, lol.  So I think it's safe to say we'd choose to refreeze the extra and just stick to transferring two at a time.

-Speaking of multiples...while one of the nurses was going through our paperwork at the end of the consult, she stopped on one of the pictures of our phenomenal (sorry, I'm biased, lol) embies.  She pointed to one (that, frankly, looked like the others to us) and said, "Did Dr T show this one to you?" We told her he had, but he hadn't gone into any great detail of what he saw.  She smiled at us and said, "This embryo is already splitting into two...as in, identical twins!"  Say whaaaaaat??!!  I thought I was going to have to carry my FBD (future baby-daddy) out of there in a wheelchair after that!  It was certainly a surprise, since twins don't run in my family, but we'll take whatever God gives us!  She said the embryologist had commented on it when the picture was taken because it's not common to see the split happen so early in the development of the embryo.  I guess ours are just determined little stinkers! lol  Now, this may not result in a delivery of twins, and we know this.  They could stop splitting (or stop growing altogether), or one of the gestational sacs could form like normal and the other be reabsorbed by my body (sometimes called a "vanishing twin").  But I definitely saw what amazing things God can do when I looked at that circle with two little bubbles side by side in it!  God is good!

(Of course, this poses a few more important questions: What would we do if they thaw out the straw with the splitting embryo and a single one?  Will they transfer what could potentially be triplets, or will they only transfer the one that is splitting in hopes that it will become twins?  What if it doesn't continue to split, or even stops growing altogether in my uterus, and we're left with no embies to implant?  These are all good questions, and to be honest, we're not quite sure right this moment!  But we're going to pray about it, and I'll let you know what we decide if that scenario presents itself! ;) )

Ok, so how magnificent is our God??  He never ceases to amaze me!  Just when you think things can't get any better...God shows up and shows out!  At the end of the day, after all the excitement of the consult, all of the planning and preparation to make our dreams come true, the only thing my overflowing heart and awestruck mind can say is Thank you, Father.  Thank you for the blessings that have already been given and for those yet to come.  Thank you for choosing this path for me.  And thank you for walking beside me every step of the way.  

The GPS Battle

As I was driving yesterday, and "Maxine", my Maxima GPS lady was (annoyingly) trying to direct me to my patient's house, I had my spiritual light bulb go off.  Now I know this may sound like a strange time to be receiving messages from God, but I truly believe that He uses every day routines and situations to speak something powerful to us...and I love that!  

As you all know, when you take a road that is off of a GPS's route, they alert you to your mistake and then list turns to help you get back on track...and they keep talking (and talking and talking) until you're finally back on the set path.  Well, yesterday, Maxine was being very annoying and persistent in trying to correct me when I took a back road, when I knew where I was going the whole time.  I was just trying to make a detour to go through Dunkin Donuts to get a decaf coffee!  Is that a crime?? lol  I tried to tell her this, but she wouldn't listen.  She just kept telling me to make U-turns here, turn right and then another right, blah, blah, blah...she's a very determined little booger.  I started to just delete the destination because her voice was irritating me, when God spoke to me.

He said, "Now you know how I feel!  Time after time, I have tried to get you to your 'final destination' (whether it be getting into nursing school, meeting your husband, having a child...the list goes on and on), and sometimes I like to take you down the back roads to get there.  But you're like a GPS system.  You just can't stand the fact that I'm not following the path that YOU have set out on, and so you nag me the whole trip about how I am taking the wrong way, when, quite frankly, I KNOW WHERE I'M GOING.  You say, 'Why are You taking me this way, Lord?', 'Why didn't You turn there?', or 'When will we get there, already??'...when all you need to do is sit back, trust me, and let Me drive.  Sometimes the detours I take you on are far more scenic and some may even get us to the destination quicker than you'd think.  And if you'd stop trying to direct the path and look hard enough, you might find that I've left some unexpected blessings along the way."

Whoa.  This really hit home for me!  During the beginning of our infertility battle, I was so focused on the end result, the final destination, of becoming a mother, I didn't even think about all the different routes that could bring us there.  All I could think was, "This should be working.  We've been trying for six months now.  We've done everything we should be doing to get from Point A to Point B...why aren't we pregnant yet??"  Now that I have let God take over the driver's seat, I can see the beauty in the journey that He has taken us on...through all the back roads, the more "scenic" routes, the bumps in the road.  It's all a part of His plan to get us to that place we so desire to be, but we just have to silence the inner GPS system in us and let Him determine the path we take!

Now, I know I talk a lot about God speaking to me, and I want to explain this a little more.  If you've never had God speak to you, then you might not know what He sounds like.  It may be a different experience for everyone, but for me, it's not a big booming voice like you hear on movies, and the clouds don't part and let the sun shine through solely on me right when He's speaking...it's simpler than all that.  When God talks to me, I randomly have a thought placed on my heart, one that I can't seem to shake.  The thought keeps repeating itself, like He's "pulling on my heart strings", until I take a moment to acknowledge what the Lord is trying to tell me.  What He tells me may be a simple command, like, "Tell the cashier to 'Have a blessed day!'", or, "Offer to do some chores around the house for your patient".  It may be a more complicated message, like this story, but God always has a purpose in what He is telling me---He doesn't just waste His breathe! You may be thinking, "Does God talk to me??"  And the answer is: YES!  The Lord might be talking to some of you right now, and you just haven't known what to listen for...so turn up those spiritual hearing aides and pay attention! ;)

Stepping Stones for God

Good evening, guys!

I have to be honest...I wasn't planning on blogging today.  I had a very busy Monday, and feel a little "blah", but then a few minutes ago, my husband's aunt sent me a very sweet and encouraging email, and I decided I couldn't go to bed without writing a little something!  Thanks for the motivation, Aunt Dottie!

Although my day was quite hectic and long, there was one particular visit with a patient that really blessed my day and kept me going...isn't it funny how God knows exactly when you need a little "blessing dust" sprinkled on you?? ;)

Ok, so I have a patient that I have been seeing for a few weeks now, and she is battling breast cancer, along with depression and anxiety. My first visit with her, after listening to her journey and current trials, I felt God prompting me to ask her if she was a Christian.  Although I know God would have used me to witness to her if she had said no, I was thrilled when she said yes!

At that moment, I silently began to pray for God to speak through me, and to encourage this sweet lady with His love.  I told her that although we can't see it now, God's plan is unfolding just the way He wants it to, and that through this terrible illness, He is going to use her to His glory.  We ended up talking for a long time about God's love and how He works through us, which always gets my glory-bumps rising! 

Well, as I was sitting there talking to her, I felt the need to help this woman in more than just a "nursey" sort of way...I wanted to do something for her because I wanted to, and not because it was part of the job.  So I asked her if there were any two things she would ask someone to do for her (whether it be housekeeping, making her a small meal, etc), what would they be.  After some persuading to let me help her, she told me she would love for me to vacuum, and that she had put her vacuum in the living room two weeks ago, hoping someone would come by and offer to do it for her, but no one ever came. She also asked if I could clean off the island in her kitchen so she would feel more organized.  (Of course, this was right up my OCD alley! lol)  She was so stinking excited about having the floor and the island clean, you would have thought I had given her a million dollars! On my way out the door, I felt like I had really done something that day.  Not for money, and not for recognition or a pat on the back, but to show Christ's love to this wonderful person.  When she asked me why I did what I did, I told her just that.  I left that day feeling truly blessed, and thanking God that He had chosen me, of all people, to share His love with one of His children. 

I've been lucky enough to see her at least once a week since then, and every time I am headed out to see her, I pray that the Lord continues to pour His love out through me, in everything that I say and do. Our visits are always wonderful, and I always leave feeling refreshed from our talks about the Father!

Well, today, when I went to see her, she was feeling a little down.  She told me she was overwhelmed and wasn't quite sure what God wanted from her.  I had brought along two of my older devotionals (both by Sarah Young) for her to read in her spare time, and when I opened one of them, the message was so perfect, I had to share it!  I don't quite remember it word for word, but it was something along these lines: "When you're feeling down and hopeless, remember that you are right where I want you.  I designed that path that you are walking down, and I am not only paving the way ahead of you, but I am also right there beside you, holding your hand every step of the way."  After reading that out loud, we both had to take a minute to marvel in God's message.  We were reminded, once again, of the Father's awesome plan for us and of His unconditional love for us, during the good times and the bad.  Even though she was having a bad day, and even though mine was chaotic, by the time I left, God had filled up both of our spiritual gas tanks, and we were ready to tackle the rest of the day!

During the last few weeks, while visiting with this patient, I have come to understand this clearer: God uses us in mysterious ways!  It may be through interactions at the store, doctor's office, in the break room at work, or in a patient's home...through actions as small as holding a door open, saying "God bless you", or doing odd chores for someone who can't do for themeselves...but each time He uses us, He is paving the way to something so much bigger.  Don't you want to be a stepping stone for God?? I know I do! :)

Hellooooo Weekend!

PTL moment for the day: I've survived another work week!  Woohoo!

Even though the beginning of my week started off busy with routine patient visits, I have to say, being on call this week has been a breeze! (Lord, please don't make the phone start ringing like crazy just because I said that! lol) I haven't received any calls at night (so far), I only had one patient to see yesterday, none to see today, and no one lined up to see Saturday or Sunday...the awesomeness of this is indescribable!  It's definitely a God thing---He heard me when I asked for a lighter load and time to recoop from the recent craziness...that just goes to show: "Ask and you shall receive!" (Matthew 7:7) Now, if I could just keep my phone from ringing all weekend...;)

Well, I'm off to cook dinner for my wonderful other half!  On the menu tonight: Jamaican jerk shrimp, island rice with black beans, and mango salsa---yummm!  I hope you all have had an equally awesome week, and I pray your weekend is even better!

(Side Note: T minus sixty-two days until FET day!  In case you were curious...lol)

Let the Countdown Begin...Again!

That's right, folks, it's time to start marking the days off on the calendar again!  Only twenty-five days left until I start the BCP portion of the FET cycle!  That means in a mere sixty-five days I will be welcoming two our precious embryos back into my womb for what will hopefully be the next nine months---major "eeeeek" moment happening right now!

In preparation for the little ones' transfer, I am still working out consistently four to five times a week, staying on my healthy diet (although I do admit to cheating every now and then), and trying to reduce my stress level at work (easier some days than others).  By the time the FET date rolls around, I'll be in tip-top shape and ready to go!  Then, once I'm pregnant, I can let myself go again! ;) Just kidding, just kidding....well, maybe I'm not.  Haha!

Before I return to my paperwork (yuck!), I wanted to share this poem with you guys.  I read this today and thought it was perfect to remember not just during life's trials, but throughout our daily Christian walk!  It's called "Direct Me, O Lord", and is by M.S. Lowndes:

"Direct me, O Lord

To where You want me to be.

Give light to my steps,

and a lamp to my feet.

Give me Your wisdom

So I'll know which road to take,

And know the twists and turns

And when I need to wait.

All these things, O Lord

Are important in our walk.

So we won't go the wrong way,

forgetting what You've taught.

Let us know Your will,

The plans You have for us.

So we may fulfill our destiny

And be walking in Your love.

So that others may also

Come to know Your ways.

And follow after You, O Lord,

and walk within Your grace."

All I can say after that is "Amen"!  :)